MONEY CASH HOES

Spotted: B busted at Burger King

2010-11-04T01:19:00.000-04:00

omg halloween

2010-10-29T15:03:00.007-04:00

It might come as a complete surprise to anyone who has seen the Crazy in Love video, but Hov and I hate the word and concept of sexy. We also HATE Lady Gaga, despite whatever spark you think you saw in that short film we shot for Telephone (what does holding in vomit sound like?). Consequently, finding appropriate attire for this weekend is an absolute nightmare.

First we went to the Halloween HQ that Hov commissioned to open up right outside of her new downtown location; but unlike most things labeled HQs (or perhaps LIKE most things that are HQ's for things other than members of N'SYNC) this place was pretty ghetto (does this offend people? I've heard recently it's the new "that's gay"). On to Halloween Adventure.

The people who work here are really frightening (especially the girls that work in the stripper shoe department) and the whole place is horribly claustrophobic. As an aside, we did make a friend in the pancho section who was also contemplating being a Mexican (I love panchos).

Anyway this is where we really got costume-reflexive. As EVERYONE should know, I'm a huge fan of dog costumes with people bodies attached to them (though I really hate those weimaraner fairy tales) and baby costumes with no feet holes. This year, ironically (also like telephone? is lady gaga ironic? I don't get it! those stupid shoes.) I have a new obsession: sexy occupational costumes.

They're cool because literally everything not sexy is not only made to be, but it's someone's job to think up pun-ny names for all of them (I love puns). Ex. the other night HOV and I sat down with stylist/mope-er in residence Henry and Christian Meininger, and mused about the possibility of sexy nuns and priests and as if by some form of divine providence, what costume do you think we found on our Halloween Adventure?

I want a sexy costume so bad this year. Like so bad, a cab driver specifically, but it's risky readers! What if people think I think I'm fooling them into thinking that it's not about the sexiness its about the cleverness of the occupation? Like, I was going to go for the other taxi driver costume but just dressing as a guy in a jacket was too subtle...I'm not going to spend all night explaining myself to you! It's too soon to be "a girl in a sexy occupational costume" itself for halloween. Do you see the distinction? I don't want to use the word meta, mostly because I'm not sure it's appropriate here, but...do you hate me as much as Lady Gaga yet?

Moral: We are on the look out for best sexy occupational costumes. Why don't guys wear these more often? Edward...plz?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Update from the new HQ

2010-10-26T01:53:00.015-04:00

Edward Chaffetz once said of Money Cash Hoes "Tres amusant. Maybe it'll keep me sane while at work. Don't let it die, keep the updates on the reg."
And look what we have done. It has been almost exactly a year since our last post and while the headquarters has unfortunately been dissolved, B & I have been listening to your requests:
"Matthew William Brown: Revive the blog! August 14 at 5:24pm" (duh, he had his own section)
Although we can no longer sit in 209, calc class, or a CAVA truck; skateboard or swing in Riverside, we have vowed to keep the headquarters alive via our love for Chris Kirkpatrick, Hov & B, JB, or just plain grantics.

So here is a little update from the not so HQ for our once faithful readers.

The moose has been relocated to what one could call a temporary headquarters

AVL is now dropping things all around Abu Dhabi however makes the occasional trip to NYC

MDubs lives around the corner and is about to start forgetting things again

B (who has been going by the name Laurenzo as of late) still does many things in a one piece

The C&B cuddle corner has welcomed some new members (shoutout to Louise)

And Chris Kirkpatrick, to who we owe everything, is still featured prominently in what some may consider one of the greatest music videos ever made (thank you Rose)

+ spot Chris in this article on Justin Timberlake...
The 25 Most Embarrassing Pictures of Justin Timberlake
Cute hair!!

Update from 209: Let's see how this goes

2009-10-27T09:44:00.004-04:00

I, and pretty much everyone I know who reads this, frequents 209. To the point where this morning I was wondering what is the proper protocol for greeting people you see there every day, multiple times a day, and I think it might be a head nod once a day IF you happen to be looking up but unless you are sitting by each other maybe you should just go with the stare at my work move. (From now on see how well I practice what I here preach).

Anyway, I find that energy spent on others in there is best spent on those you don't know, who make being in the room a little more pleasant and/or gross.

I'm going to go with pleasant on this one.

This kid 1. has a flip phone (i WISH it was a RAZR hov, but on further inspection it wasn't) 2. got no work done 3. watched videos so loud but I (ME!?) didn't have the heart to tell him to turn it down 4. was drinking mtn dew 5. BURPED OUT LOUD AND LOOKED AT ME AND THE KID DRAWING STAR MAPS NEXT TO ME AND GOES "...sorry" 5. was a good sport when i proceeded to giggle so long and type so furiously about it that I myself had to apologize to him 6. Also he made fun of one of his bro's furry jacket which was a delightful interaction to watch.

It so happened this is the mundane thing he was doing at the time I was bold enough (thanks Rory) to be takin' pics (not all of us have a future in the CIA). Also, he kind of looks like Patrick Dempsey.

Spotted: Calculus Cutie

2009-10-15T18:29:00.003-04:00

Some of you may have heard about this because it's all I've been talking about this week, but for those of you who haven't, hold onto your seat (and your lunch). SO I was sitting between these two strangers in my 25 person math class on Tuesday, minding my own business taking notes, when all of sudden, the boy next to me pulls out this little swiss army knife, unfolds these miniatures scissors and proceeds to CUT HIS NAILS. All over his notes, all over his desk, ALL UP IN MY FACE. While the professor is giving a lecture about calculus, while he is surrounded by people. So I give him this look like "no you didn't girlfriend" - but the boy does not flinch, and goes on to trim his cuticles. Next thing you know, he whips out these baby tweezers and lo and behold... begins to PLUCK OFF THE HAIRS THAT ARE ON HIS HAND. Absolutely not ok. By then I am full on glaring at the kid but getting no response so I just start to giggle uncontrollably/uncomfortably and the only thing I could think to do was take a few pictures to document this phenomenon..

The Utensil

The Plucking

The Gold-Mining

Finishing up the manicure

Update from the HQ: Last Night

2009-10-11T13:32:00.006-04:00

SO last night was a good night for door-pictures. H^2 (Hov and Hen) swung by to pick me up at 1020 and in an occurance that was borderline beyond our control we were swept up by the ghost of friday nights long past and ended up in Cannon's ready to take some PIX (in true HOV and B fashion, 2 years later, we still neglect to look for DUH MOOSE the only reason we are friends in the first place). Also, you can't pull HOV away from a good deal on a cold pitcher of Miller Lite so that might have also played some role in our venture to 108th. Anyway, we get inside and let me tell you, Hen.was.mortified. So we stayed on task and met this lovely fellow, to whom HOV inquired "like, omg, what role do you play on the football team" which he correctly interpreted to mean, position, and we learned the answer was "center". sweet. So, a scene ensued that could only be likened to a make a wish kid meeting their favorite athlete (twinkling eyes and puffed up chests respectively), we got our pictures, and we were out.

giggle.giggle. NO the fun did not end there because, ugh oh, someone had just gotten back from a TOGA PARTY. Though the total lack of anyone else wearing a toga begs the question of whether he was really at a party of said theme at all. And in response to that question that was lingering in the air but never explicitly being stated yet implicitly was also responding the the aforementioned begging...he proclaimed "I'm THEE guy in the toga" followed by (this time in response to our explicit request) "yeah! sure you can have a picture."

On the way to Pinnacle we discussed what the female version of "thee guy in a toga" would be if we were to ever want to call that much attention to ourselves as "that guy" and eventually we concluded that it would just be a girl in a toga which was pretty anticlimactic given the name of the place we were about to go and also how excited we had been to solve that puzzle (sorry that i just made that punny connection). In pinnacle we learned that garlic can come in powder form and that HOV doesn't chew her chicken fingers (I'm keeping this super brief). Outside of Pinnacle, much to my surprise and to the surprise of people who actually know/are related to him, we found out Christian has a SWEET red honda motorcycle and i have to say, he and HOV make quite a pair on it. Really, when I look at the picture the first thing that comes to mind is a lyric from that song "Can't Deny It" by Fabolous f. Nate Dogg. Which is the note I will end this on.

"Ghetto fabolous, n** I ride til I die

Hollerin 1-8-7 when I ride through the stuy, fool.

[chorus]

Yall cant deny it, ima fuckin rider
You dont wanna fuck with me (yeah)
Got skills in the trunk with me (ok)

Switchin lanes, do a buck with me (thats right)"

- Fabolous, "Can't Deny it"

Stuff AVL Dropped: HOV

2009-10-08T17:42:00.005-04:00

AVL must have been in my room last night tip-toein' around. I don't know how HE left her THERE or more impressively, how he kept her from gigglin' long enough to sneak out. Either way, 3am, found HOV on the floor behind my bed, kicking over my shoe racks.*one of the blog's first posts, "stuff AVL dropped: panties" is not to be confused with last night's exhibit of "stuff HOV dropped: pants"...before climbing into bed/onto me like the outbreak monkey we know her to be**

**she is also a dancer fyi

update from the HQ: Misc.

2009-10-06T02:06:00.002-04:00

So I stole some pics one time when Kate had a birthday at the swim frat. one of them looks like this kid is wearing a giant condom hat. needless to say it is funny and offensive and on my door (along with another group shot and a new one HOV just printed from Paris). That got us thinking, hey, there is a lot of room on this door and a lot of funny offensive people who aren't filling that space...yet. NEW PLAN: Find O people, convince them to photos, maybe even incorporate props. Who knows. I don't. If you have any pics for the door bring them over to the CKPHQ.

Update from the HQ: OUTBREAK

2009-10-06T01:48:00.004-04:00

So as many of you probably know, HOV had the H1N1. I'm going to take a moment and give Jeff Schwartz a little public wink at the nickname he came up with for our beloved HOV in this trying time. I'm not going to say it, but its O-so-clever. Anyway, life over the past week and a half has been kind of like the movie outbreak...with less Dustin Hoffman and more snacks. About the same amount of Patrick Dempsey though. Anyway, the adventure started with 3 eager CAVA people, a failed attempt to put an oxygen tube up hov's nose, a screaming baby getting his nostrils vacuumed, and then tamiflu and applesauce. Now here is that story (kind of) set to pictures (in case you're illiterate).

Stuff AVL Dropped: Surgical Cap

2009-10-06T01:43:00.002-04:00

Again, droppin' it like its hot, AVL lets another item loose, this time onto the floor of St. Lukes. Good thing outbreak monkey (see following post) and I (mdubs if you read this I had to just change my sentence from "me and outbreak monkey") were there to find it considering it is designer (Rocawear) and probably kind of expensive.

Update from the HQ: Yogabbagabba

2009-10-06T01:31:00.004-04:00

SO we realize that the posts have been scarce lately, and we hate to keep you (Edward) hanging, so here's a little something to keep you occupied until HOV&B return full swing.

http://yogabbagabba.com/

we recommend the videos, particularly:

http://yogabbagabba.com/#/party-in-my-tummy
http://yogabbagabba.com/#/iliketodance
http://yogabbagabba.com/#/music-the-shins

special thanks to the fungeon for leading us to this discovery.

Stuff AVL dropped: Carseat

2009-09-24T16:45:00.001-04:00

Stuff AVL dropped: Poster

2009-09-24T15:50:00.002-04:00

Update from the HQ: Swingz

2009-09-21T00:03:00.006-04:00

We recently discovered our mutual love for swinging so we decided to set aside weekly swinging time in Riverside at 116. WAY BETTER than the 113 swings. But don't get any ideas about using them, there are enough kids to compete with for a spot. Our first time these other kids actually added to the experience--there isn't a picture but we owe half of the fun to watching a baby blob all his baby self to the front of the "chasity belt" swing seat and then kick his little baby legs when he wasn't going fast enough. The second time a mom stared us down as if there is some sort of time limit on the playground (which there isn't, unless you count the 15 min sign we are going to bring from now on to get other kids off ). The third time all these kids were hogging the equipment and we felt we could NOT in fact bully THEM off. The worst part was they were not really doing any any swinging at all, just kind of sitting in a way that can be done on a bench or somewhere NOT the 2 adult sized swings we were waiting our turn to use. We might or might not have offended some parents because of the profanity that ensued from all of this waiting and frustration and double standards and little kid preferential treatment. The day wasn't a total loss though, we found a winner of a kid playing in a little fountain and if we weren't freaking people out enough, took a picture or two (sorry if his mom is reading this).

Stuff Matt Left: Steak/Hat

2009-09-20T23:42:00.002-04:00

Matt bought steak thinkin' he can just be leaving stuff in the fridge to cook here because he doesn't have a stove. If he did have a stove though he would probably bring it over...and leave it. Also, this hat. Angel called, he wants it back.

Update from the HQ: A Lesson in Shower Etiquette

2009-09-16T02:57:00.006-04:00

Our gracious and hygienically concerned suite mate Elena bought a hair-stopped for the shower drain because apparently shit was backin' up. Anyway, it was with the newly installed hair stopper that HOV ventured in to duh shower, and with a hair stopped full of HOV's nappy ass weave that I ventured into said shower. I'v got 99 problems and HOVs hair in the drain is one (her barfy unicorns are another, but that is neither here nor there). SO I go get that bitch an I'm all "whats this?" with my hand poised on hip, finger in the air, lips pouting and a look in my eyes that says "mhmh girl, not today."So i drag her to the bathroom and she's all "i have a problem with losing hair" and I'm all "shut up and clean" and she's like "no, seriously look how thin it is..." but like, WHO CARES JUST GET RID OF IT. Oh wait though, dear readers, She doesn't want to touch it. You know, because hair is gross. Anyway, check out the PICS of her comically using an entire roll of TP to dispose of this mess. (unfortunately there is no picture of THE COMB). Also, just to keep track, this resulted in 2 pipettes (you heard that BOVICE). Luckily, we were already in a bathroom.

Things Lauren Does in a One Piece: Customize Sweaters

2009-09-13T16:01:00.005-04:00

C&B Cuddle Corner

2009-09-13T15:58:00.002-04:00

literally they couldn't stay awake through the 1st post

Spotted

2009-09-13T15:39:00.003-04:00

c ya

Stuff AVL Dropped: Panties

2009-09-13T15:38:00.000-04:00

Stuff Matt Left: Skateboard

2009-09-13T15:33:00.004-04:00

SUP

2009-09-13T15:07:00.001-04:00

Dear Readers,

We are starting a blog and this is how (meet me in the club) it's goin' down. We are going to have different sections about different things, and they are as follows:

1. Updates from the HQ: there is a lot going on around the Chris Kirkpatrick HQ (new party straws! taking vitamins? this blog?!) and this will keep you in the loop

2. Song of the Week

4. SPOTTED: funny pics n' stuff

3. OFFENSE of the week: this is interactive. if you see any O-faces or O face being particularly O or just anything O send us a pic.

4. Stuff Matt Brown Left Here: Matt Brown likes to leave a lot of fun stuff over so that he gets invited back to CHILL. We amuse ourselves with it in the mean time.

5. Stuff Adam Valen Levinson Drops: like Matt, AVL is always leaving things around, except his is probably a product of butter fingers. stuff just slips right out.

6. Stuff Lauren Does in a 1 Piece Bathing suit: more that you think.

7. Charlotte and Bunny Cuddle Corner: they love naps lol.

8. INTERVIEW: we are building a new space ship/exclusive interview space. each week we will conduct an interview with someone we feel is noteworthy and/or has volunteered.

these are subject to change. if you have suggestions, you can let us know.

love,

Hov&B

HERE IS A SAMPLE OF EACH